My niece will celebrate her first birthday this month, and will welcome her little sister in February. Her mother, my best friend, is a brilliant, accomplished, and?capable woman with her heart set on loving her husband and daughters. And though the youngest is not yet here, she?s already feeling the foreshadowing of exhaustion.
I admire the many families in our community who are raising young twins ? and even triplets! ? because they undoubtedly have their hands full. How can we juggle the needs of two children under the age of two? Especially when they don?t always have the same needs? Whether helping your toddler welcome the new baby or managing multiples, it?s possible!
Redirect Jealousy
Proactive prevention is the best tactic to fight jealousy. Jealousy arises when one child sees your attentiveness toward another sibling, and feels that his or her role in the family is threatened. So make sure to help define that role! As pregnancy progresses, introduce books about welcoming a new baby and talk about all the things that big brothers and big sisters get to do.
After birth, whether you spent time during your pregnancy prepping your oldest ? or are now wishing you had ? it?s not too late to affirm that your oldest child is still an important member of the family. Say ?I love you? often. Ask him or her to assist in caring for the baby in appropriate ways: helping to pick out clothes, ?reading? books or telling stories to the baby, bringing over a fresh diaper, and even soothing.
Man Your Battle Stations
You can?t step onto the battlefield without preparation; you need a plan and you need supplies, or it?s going to be more difficult than it ever needed to be. Prepare for daily, common needs by making ?battle stations? in your home and in your car. Have a basket with diapers, wipes, a changing pad, and even snacks in each of the rooms you?re most commonly in; you shouldn?t have to collect both kids and walk across the house to the changing table for that five-minute task. And instead of lugging a heavy diaper bag back and forth between your home and car, stock your car with diapers, sippy cups, wipes, a change of clothes (for you and them!), and other necessities.
And when both are clamoring for your attention to meet their different needs, learn to determine what is urgent or important and what is simply impatient demands. Your toddler may want Goldfish crackers with juice now, but you can?t let your infant sit in a dirty diaper and risk the pain of a rash later. These are the moments that provide great opportunities to teach patience and trust; when you consistently ask one child to ?wait your turn, and I promise I will help you? and then faithfully respond to their need soon after, they will eventually learn to trust that you mean what you say and that the volume of their request doesn?t add to your urgency.
Guilt is Not Your Guide
Unfortunately, prioritizing needs as described above will often mean that your infant ?wins out? more often than your toddler. This is normal, as younger children will always require more attention. Rather than allowing guilt to guide decision-making, set aside intentional one-on-one time with your toddler. Have a Seminole Sitter or grandparent watch the baby while you go out for ice cream together, or take turns with your spouse to have ?Mommy & Me? or ?Daddy & Me? dates. I?ve known families to make a regular habit of each spending one-on-one time with one child, then switching for the next kid date.
Put Exhaustion to Rest
And as for the exhaustion? Firstly, remember that you?re exhausted because you?ve been parenting! You?re involved, you?re meeting the needs of two very dependent little ones ? and that?s naturally exhausting. Make sure to take time to be a grown-up, though. Take turns with your spouse giving each other ?alone time? so one can get out of the house while the other stays with the kids (or, takes the kids out). Or, hire a sitter, even if just to take a nap!
I know of one parent who would take the kids for a drive whenever she was feeling especially frayed. They would nap in the backseat and she?d go through a Starbucks drive-thru on the way home. With her favorite music and a chance to sit down for more than five minutes, it was all she needed to reset and refresh.
Count Your Blessings
It may be hard to wrangle two under two, but there are many advantages to having children so close in age. There?s no need to re-purchase the crib or maternity clothes you would have otherwise given to a friend or the onesies and toys you might have sold at your last yard sale; most things are easily passed down within your own household. When they?re older, homework help will be somewhat more streamlined as you?ll only need to relearn 7th grade math once, instead of getting another refresher a few years later! And while there may certainly be times where they struggle to share, they?re more likely to enjoy a close relationship throughout adulthood.
Despite the natural stresses and demands of parenting, there is incredible reward in nurturing their growth and seeing their relationship with one another build and develop. It is worth it!
Source: http://blogs.tallahassee.com/community/2012/08/03/two-under-two/
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